So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
