He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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