Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
