Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I supernannyed him into submission
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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