Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
