I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Green mimosas i think yes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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