Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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