A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
