Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
