separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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