I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
