If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
