so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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