so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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