He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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