And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
