Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
