I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
