The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I cut my penus on the lid.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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