I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
