I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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