nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
