Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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