Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
