whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
