I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
