I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
