bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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