Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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