You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
