I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
