Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
