it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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