return my video game
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
