We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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