I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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