He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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