what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
