honey bunches of taint.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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