There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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