did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
