i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
