OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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