He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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