she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
