yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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