Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
