I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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