I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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