If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
