I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
