singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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