I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
