we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
