hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
