carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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