YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
