you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
