i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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