like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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