i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize