Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
