I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
